Pst, Al Franken....

Hey, Al:

     So, I was milling around on the internet when I happened upon a recent senate hearing discussing what is ostensibly some kind of response to 'gun violence'. Several times during the hearing, you made reference to the absence of even a single instance in which an AR-15 has been used for self defense. Not a single example to be found you proclaimed a few times. You've been asked to imagine hypotheticals though, which you seem not to be satisfied with. Allow me to assist you, Al.

All I can really say, Al, is that as a comedian you were able to pull off better research on Ann Coulter than it seems you and your entire staff, having at its disposal the full resources of the United States Congress (aren't you a member of the more reflective chamber?), could manage.  I thought about actually digging into some police reports, but then I figured I'd spot you one by just restricting myself to Youtube. Now, my guess is that it happens often enough that I'll be able to find a video on Youtube in, well, under 15 seconds. Now, I know you're really enthusiastic about this legislation, for the children of course. It's always about the children. So, I'll just use some keywords from the, ahem, anti-AR-15 homily to which the C-SPAN audience was, um, entreated?

Anyway, I'll just type in "AR-15 defense children" and see what comes up.

Hot damn! Research is hard these days!

All of that time you claim to have spent reading the previous record and thinking hard about this subject and you couldn't find a single example. I think you're totally slow-playing that Harvard education, Al. Or have you spent too much time around Ann Coulter?

(oh, for everyone else, do be sure to send this to Al Franken. And never let it be said that I never gave Al anything. Oh, who am I kidding? I seriously doubt even if he sees this he'll drop the 'I haven't seen a single example' line.)

On a serious note:

Al, the reason you don't find the examples in the 'record' is one of those whole seek and ye shall find kind of jobbies. If you really wanted to find it, it would be a trivial moment's effort to find what you imply is so obscure as to not yet have been read into the 'record'. You're a senator in the United States of America. If you wanted an example, open your mouth to one of your assistants and I'm sure they can find you as many as you'd like. It's on youtube.

I can only surmise the reason you've managed not to find an example is because you've done the very hard work of neither asking nor looking.