Monday, October 3, 2011

Mawwiage

It's a precious, important public attestation of one couple's love and affection for another at any event where one can exploit a ready made audience to garner maximum attention to sell skepchick merch.

But Yours Truly, sleuth extraordinaire has managed to track down a certain set of public documents relating to someone's divorce. The participants shall remain nameless, but here's a snippet.

I grew tired of coming home day in and day out to find [my wife] fucking yet another stray homeless drunkard for some cheap booze, only to have her look up at me ask, "who the hell are you?"  It was unbearable that she was always pretending not to recognize me in that way so as not to make her booze partner feel awkward.

19 comments:

Scented Nectar said...

My lower jaw is on the table in front of my keyboard. :O

Are you fucking kidding me??? Holy shit!!!!!! Just let me absorb this a moment before I break into giggles and guffaws..........HaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahhahahahaYou need a new button that says 'this article is so fucking good, I just had a multiple laughgasm'!!!!! :DI'm totally floored. Damn, you're good!

AlekNovy said...

Damn dude you're good. I was laughing out loud.

Are you naturally witty or is it learned? You're damn good.

The Justicar said...

A little of both I'd imagine. Just know that I'm always thinking something like this. Occasionally, I say it out loud.

When I first thought of it, I was talking to, um, *whispers* Abbie about the prosopagnosia shit. And I started laughing and laughing and laughing so I told her and she was laughing and laughing. So, here it is.

I do appreciate the kind words though; it's nice to know I'm not the only one who thought that was funny!

The Justicar said...

If I could fit that as a button, I would!

(as it is, I expecting a strong contingent of mooers)

Scented Nectar said...

If only ElevatorGuy realized what his mistake was. He offered her coffee instead of booze!

Scented Nectar said...

My jaw is now sore. Give me some of your vicodin, you bastard! :D

And my roommate can't stop saying "Oh my god!!!" Give her some too, you bastard! Hahahahahahaha :D

DustysAuntyKaren said...

I am Scented Nectar's roomate, so I have been following all this through her.  All I can say is, you are fucking brilliant!!  Now that I have finally stopped laughing and saying "holy shit"  I am left with admiration for your delightful deed.  How will she 'splain this one?  Very well done!

The Justicar said...

Oh gosh. I do hope everyone realizes this isn't from a real public document. Just something I cooked up in a conversation last night that amused me.

But still, if she can't pick out faces, it could be true!

The Justicar said...

Cheap booze at that!

Scented Nectar said...

Oh no, you just made my laughing go away. Seriously? Not real? :(

Spence said...

And by sheer coincidence, Butters from b3ta drew a comic today showing the events that followed.

http://www.b3ta.com/board/10560593

The Justicar said...

If I actually ran across a court-filing that had this in it, ask yourself: would there, or would there not be a picture to it.

The Justicar said...

Lawl

Scented Nectar said...

I'd figure there wouldn't need to be a screencap because the public record would be there for anyone to go check? I don't know. Oh well, give me one of those vicodin anyways. I've never tried it but this seems like a good time now. :)
 
Oh well, fun while it lasted. I was thinking the only way she'd possibly (try to) clear her name after something like this would be to announce she has a drinking problem and made some 'mistakes'.

AlekNovy said...

"Oh gosh. I do hope everyone realizes this isn't from a real public document."

I think it's pretty obvious. Please don't put a disclaimer in the post and ruin the brilliant parody. 

It flows perfectly as it is. If someone thinks it's real, they can always get the clarification in the comments.

AlekNovy said...

I didn't get it. 

Scented Nectar said...

Argh, I didn't get it. But I tend to take things rather literally and miss jokes sometimes. Ah well, live and learn, I guess. :)

Spence said...

Image board humour.  Can be a bit quirky and cliquey.

Just be glad I linked b3ta and not /b/ :^)

AlekNovy said...

Delete comment...